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Who wins a mortal kombat tourney between all current and former members.  Which members have which fatalities .  Does axl dominate due to his massive weight advantage? 

 

These are the questions I want answers to..

 

 

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Axl's protective Van Allen belts of radioactive fat make him the favorite, for sure. Salsh's prize winnings are instantly divided among Perla's lawyers so he lacks the hunger to win (see: Axl). Doof's new vagina is like the Eye of Sauron; even Hillary's was more forgiving. Melissa can fly around the screen using her hair as a propeller like Dixie Kong, only less attractive. Fortus can impale his opponent from the other side of the screen using only his nose. And Frank strangles his enemies with his homeless guy beanie. Goblin Cock makes a cameo as Sub-Zero (an obvious reference to his talent) and plays the Sweet Child intro as his fatality.

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The obvious answer would be Axl. 

 

Dude jumped into a crowd to fight a fan with a camera and once fought Tommy Hilfiger. Badass. 

 

He should have a cocaine induced power move if they make a video game. 

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Alex n Slosh both die from heart failure within the first 10 minutes of the battle.

 

This leaves Doof as the winner,

He decides to continue GNR, and updates all the songs to sing about tranny rights, woke political ideas, and other gay shit.

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